On Wednesday, May 4th Chris and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. Wednesday, May 11 is Ainsley's 8th birthday and sandwiched between the two is Mother's day! I'm tired just typing all of that! May is definitely a month of reflecting for me.
Those of you who knew me in high school know that I wanted to get married and have a baby right after graduation. That is basically the way my parents did it and that is what I wanted as well. There was once small problem. I didn't even have a boyfriend and God had other plans. I didn't meet Chris until I was 25 (ooh so old right?) I sure felt old. I spent those 7 years pretty sad. I wanted to have a fairy tale romance. What girl doesn't? I wanted someone to come and sweep me off of my feet, fall madly in love and then start a family. I spent so much time longing for that dream that I forgot to enjoy what I DID have. I forgot to live for that day because, after all, tomorrow may never come.
Then in my 25th year I finally met Chris. We were married less than a year later and I was pregnant within 4 months of our marriage. I remember standing in the kitchen talking with my dad on the phone and I had told him we were going to start trying to have a baby. Dad advised against saying we should wait about a year but we didn't listen. Again, instead of living happily in the moment I was so looking to what I was lacking. I regret that immensly to this day. I wish Chris and I would have had more time to just be together doing and enjoying each other before we had children. It is for this reason that I live vicariously (half joking) through Carrie Liles' blog Life as a Liles. She and her highschool sweetheart got married and lived life to the fullest before starting a family. I always loved to hear what new fun thing they were doing...together.
At times I still do the same thing. I long to sit and read ALL DAY or watch TV without interuption or go shopping whenever I want. I find myself thinking when the kids grow up... No more up-all-nights, no more wiping butts, no more cleaning up after a bunch of slobs (aka kids), no more screaming and yelling (that would be me), no more annoying cartoons (can anyone say Sponge Bob?) and no more fighting about homework, dinner, bedtime and baths. Sounds glorious but then I realize that means no more sweet baby smell, no more "Mommy will you kiss it?", no more tiny baby clothes in the dryer, no more, "I made it just for you! Do you love it Mom?" no more morning snuggles and kisses goodnight. When will I learn?
For everything there is a season...(Ecclesiastes 3:1) The past is behind us. Today is beautiful. Tomorrow may never come. I need to be reminded almost daily not to let what you dream about for the future get in the way of living life to the fullest today. Today is going to be gone as soon as tomorrow and you can never get it back.
I'm going to laugh, skip and love today.
Did you ever see your Grandma do the Irish Jig...it was a laugh, included a skip and I loved watching her do it and I love you.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, I remember that conversation and I knew at the time I was wasting my breath. I knew how badly you wanted children. I remember when my aunt died; we were on the way to the funeral, my uncle said: “If we had it all to do over, we would have made a different set of mistakes.” Some mistakes we make boldly, some we make blindly, however, we will make mistakes. Dad
ReplyDeletePS. Love the video.